Friday was my last day at work. After a little over four years at the job I thought would be my career, I was made redundant. “It’s really not you,” my younger-than-me boss-who-started-only-last-year said. “You’re awesome. But the needs of the office have changed.” That was back in June. For the first few days after that, I just wanted to crawl under the sheets and not get up until this reality fixed itself. But I kept going back to work. I was given until the end of summer to keep working while I found a job. The assumption was, it would be easier for me to find a new job if I were “still employed.”

It’s Labor Day. I have yet to get an offer. Actually, I have yet to be asked to come back for a second round of interviews anywhere. Needless to say, even when I know I am a smart, capable and accomplished marketer, I’ve started to have doubts about just how good I really am. I’ve always been better expressing myself in writing rather than in person. I’ve been told that I should project more gravitas when I speak. To project more confidence during the interview. Though I am comfortable in my own skin, when does confidence become total BS?

Oprah said something about following the path of your destiny. She said that once you start going down that path, it is supposed to be pretty easy. It is not supposed to feel like trying to paddle a boat upstream. If that is true, then I have yet to find the right path. Trying to find a similar job in the same industry is currently not working for me right now. And honestly, I’m not really sure that’s what i want to do anyway. But I am the primary breadwinner of my family and my kids need to eat.

But anyway, leaving the office for the final time on Friday surprisingly felt easier than I thought it would be. I had expected to feel sad or burdened. It was bittersweet to say farewell to my professional family, people I’ve worked with everyday for the past four years. I received many sweet and encouraging notes. Though in the end, I actually felt quite buoyant.

So what now? I’m not quite sure. But I am excited to find out.